ITALIAN COMPLAINT LETTER

The Italiano tourist wrote a complaint letter to the
manager of a hotel in London. The letter read as
follows:

Dear Signor Diretorre

Now I am tella you the story how I was treated at your
hotella. I am comma from Palermo as tourist to London
and stay as a young man at your hotella. When I comma
in my room I see no shit in my bed. How can I sleep
with no shit in my bed? I calla down the receptione
and tell: " I wanna shit ". They tella me " Go to the
toillett ". I said " No, no. I wanna shit in my bed ".
They said "You betta not shit in your bed, you
sonnawabitch". What is sonnawabitch?!

I go down to ristorante for breakfast. I order bacon
and eggs and two pisses of toast. I getta only one
piss of toast. I tella waitress and point to toast " I
wanna piss ". She tella me " Go to the toillett ". I
say " No, no. I wanna piss on my plate ". She then say
to me" You bloody fella better not piss on the plate,
you sonnawabitch ". Second person who do not even know
me and call me sonnawabitch! What is sonnawabitch?

Later I go dinner into restorante. Spoon and knife is
laid but no fock. I tella waitress " I wanna fock ",
and she tella me " Sure everybody wanna fock ". I tell
her " No, No. You don't understand me. I wanna fock on
the table. " She then tell me " So you sonnawabitch,
wanna fock on the table? Get your ass outa here! " So
I go to the receptione and ask for bills.

I no wanna stay in your hotel no more. When I have pay
the bills, the porter say to me " Thank you and piss
be with you ". I say "Piss on you too, you
sonnawabitch ". I go back to Italy! I never more comma

stay in your hotella, you sonnawabitch.